Teaching Children About Death

The death of Michael Jackson really blew me away. I was trying to come home a couple of days after the awful train wreck in DC which killed nine people. It was awful and I was trying to get used to taking another route home.

I have a cell phone that does not work underground. So when my train finally pulled into the train stations that are outside, my phone rang. It was my ten-year old son.

He was crying a little. I asked him what is wrong. He said, "Mom, you didn't hear? Michael Jackson died!"

I stopped right in my tracks and was wondering why everyone on the platform was eagerly texting on their Blackberries or I-phones. It hit me, "Nah, another rumor, they're always messing with Michael."

So that's what I told him, "No, it's a rumor." And I told him to put my friend on the phone. When he got on the phone he said, "Jada, it's true, Michael Jackson died of a heart attack." Stunned, I told him I was on my way, but I worried what both of my sons were hearing on the tube since I knew how much they loved watching Michael Jackson on TV. Not the way the awful tabloids always presented him.

Trying to get over the shock, it was hard not to. Splattered all over the news, Michael Jackson's death was a tidal wave riding throughout the entire world just like his beloved music. I was hurt, but my other son was even more hurt.

With the creation of the Internet and clever sites like youtube, my son has always viewed at least one Michael Jackson video per day. Me, too...

The day Michael Jackson died, my son was watching Beat It! Then to hear on the news an hour later that he was dead, was unreal to my kids. So I can only imagine how Michael's kids were feeling.

I know how they felt, because at age 11, I lost my mother. I didn't understand why, couldn't understand and really didn't want to. In my little world, she was the only person that ever loved me. I can only imagine Michael's kids felt the same way.

When my mother died, no one sat me down and really explained the death of my mother. All I knew was that I had to wear a white dress at my mother's funeral, some Down South tradition. I wondered why my mother's face was cold? Was she going to wake up? Why didn't she at least call me to say goodbye, I'm leaving for a while...And on and on and on...

When I heard Jermaine Jackson's interview with Matt Lauer, he said something that struck out at me. Heavily. He said they took the children to see their father because it would help them understand better. I agree with him. Had my family taken me to see my mother beforehand, I don't think I would have gone through several years of unanswered questions later on in my adult life.

When I saw Paris Jackson outpour her heart in front of her father's casket, I cried right along with her. I knew what she was feeling. But I knew how brave she was. When I kissed my own mother goodbye, no one gave me the chance to say anything about her.

I explained the details to my sons about death. No I don't know exactly where we go when we die, but I do believe in heaven because I am a Christian. It is hard to fathom what the Bible teaches about heaven, because no one can come back and tell of its greatness.

I overheard someone criticize Michael Jackson stating, "Michael sold his soul to the devil." I beg to differ! But I tried not to get caught up in that madness. What matters is that three children have lost their father, which children do go through everyday, but this was too much. When I heard Paris say, "My father..." She didn't say, "My pop icon father..." She knew what he meant to her in her heart.

Age 11 is a critical age to lose a parent. Tween years are difficult. Heck, all of the child's years are difficult as they try to find a place in the world. It is important that we teach our children about fear, death, whatever form of heaven you believe in as well as the intracacies of this world. We cannot sugarcoat and nursery rhyme everything, because it is not possible.

I know Michael was a good father. Whether or not he had them or not, so what? They were his children. They have his tendencies. Good hearted and kind. I don't care what the tabloids or even some news stations are saying, that's hogwash.

I hope the children will be able to maintain normal lives, but this is only wishful thinking. Let us all teach our children that forever on earth is not promised, but do so in a way that they will understand.

For more information, please visit: http://www.trauma-pages.com/s/perrylos.php, http://www.missfoundation.org/kids/index.html, www.willmarcenter.org/


For more of Michael's legacy, please visit: http://healtheworld.us/members/htwf

His music: www.michaeljackson.com and here: http://www.allmichaeljackson.com/index.html and here: http://community.guinnessworldrecords.com/_Michael-Jackson-dies-at-50/blog/407707/7691.html

Adoption and the Single Mother

When I heard that pop star Madonna was finally granted an adoption to an adorable 4-year-old girl named Chifundo “Mercy” James, I was happy for her. Controversy has swirled around the pop star from other South African would be adopters citing, "Madonna is getting privilege to adopt because she is rich."

I was stunned at those comments. I mean, if Mercy's father, who claims he has not seen the child since the mother died (she was a teenage mother by the way), and really wanted to care for the child, wouldn't he have at least made an attempt to get Mercy? Why wait until Madonna wants to adopt her? He claims that Mercy's maternal side blocked him from adopting her...

Well anyway, courts in South Africa ruled and Mercy will be going home to live with Madonna and the rest of her family in NYC, or wherever she wants to.

Which is the point of this posting...

There are some women who cannot have children and adoption is the choice for them. I have no problem with that as long as one can take care of a child. Single Mothers By Choice an organization fully committed to those that want to care for a child by choice. They stake their claim here:

"A single mother by choice is a woman who decided to have or adopt a child, knowing she would be her child's sole parent, at least at the outset. Typically, we are career women in our thirties and forties. The ticking of our biological clocks has made us face the fact that we could no longer wait for marriage before starting our families. Some of us went to a doctor for donor insemination or adopted in the United States or abroad. Others accidentally became pregnant and discovered we were thrilled."

I am thrilled, too. Just like it doesn't bother me if a gay or lesbian couple wants to adopt a child. As long as they can provide for the child, why not? Instilling good values to have that child grow up in a loving family is all that matters.

Why all the controversy over adopting by single mothers? Because according to the US Census Bureau, there are approximately 13.6 million single mothers raising children alone. That counts for at least 21.2 million children being raised without a father. So yes, as a single person thinking about adoption, you need money...

So I don't knock Madonna for adopting children, she is filthy rich and can do it. I don't knock Oprah who opened a school in South Africa for impoverished girls, calling them her "daughters", and I daggone sure do not knock the gay and lesbian community to reach out and adopt children. After a non-adopted child turns 18, they are on their own.

So no, I don't knock this at all. Go 'head Madonna!

But if you're a single woman and want to adopt because of not being able to conceive, or you just want to adopt versus conceive, do know the steps are plenty. It can be done though. Keep a straight and narrow record, work history and rental and/or homeownership history. And you need money. For more information on adopting, visit, www.adopting.org.

Good Luck!

Scholarships for Moms-Deadline June 15th

Hurry!!! If you want to go back to school, there is a contest for a scholarship for mothers. Always wanting to look out for my single mother friends, please visit: http://www.scholarships4moms.net. You owe it to yourself to go back to school or save the money to send your child to school! Going back to school will make you more marketable, stronger and powerful! I am happy to have completed my degree online and you can do the same. Check it out: http://www.scholarships4moms.net and do not forget to start your financial aid package here: http://www.fafsa.gov. This is the Federal Student Aid website where you can apply for pell grants, student loans and other grants. Let me know how you're doing or if you need help with the process!

Good Luck!

Make some money writing online-Part 1

I know several single mothers who work two jobs. Heck, I know some that work three jobs. I don't know how we do it. I tried working a second job one time, but with school still winding down, I just couldn't find the energy to do this.

That's where technology steps in. There are several ways for the single mother population to make money while at home. It takes time yes, but if you stick with it, results will follow.

1) Blogging-My own blog is a sample for beginners. Utilize blogger.com to start your own blog about a topic (s) you love. Begin to monetize your blog by adding ads and links to affiliated products that you sell outside of your blog. Visit Problogger.net for more information. Set up an account at google adsense.

2) Write for associatedcontent.com. They are my favorite! I have made friends on here, can post my articles, research papers and reviews that are at least 500 words. I have made as much as $4-10 per article. Not bad for pumping out a few articles in a couple of weeks, gaining some extra cash for something that had to get pushed to the back burner (movies, shoes, etc.)

3) One that I have not explored yet is families.com This is a site that allows you to write about family topics and with us being single mothers, there is lots to blog about since we do just about everything.

I will be conducting these posts into a series this month, so stay tuned. Don't fret over the summer, (recession) and get started. There's something for everyone on the net to make money!

School is...

Kicking my behind. I have been attending college online for a while now and these are my last two classes. It is not easy, but it can be done. I have learned how to schedule my time for studying and taking exams, thus leaving me with less time to blog. But I promise to be back and blogging daily.

In the meantime, if you are a single mom considering going back to school, I would recommend my school, Strayer University. They have excellent business and information technology programs and have recently started a criminal justice program. If you work for the federal government, like most Washingtonians do, you can upgrade your skills by taking contract specialist courses.

There are several other online programs that I am considering for my Master's degree. National University is my first choice. Their classes start monthly and you can obtain your degree strictly online with low residency since they are located in California. Another school I would consider attending is the University of Maryland University College. They have excellent programs and assist with scholarships and loans according to your financial need.

Tips for choosing an online school is to make sure they are accredited. Make sure the costs are economical versus your monthly budget. Ask yourself, is it worth going to a community college first and pay a babysitter at night versus the extra fees it costs to take convenient classes from your computer? Although, nowadays, even community colleges are offering courses online.

Be creative! If you want to become a nurse, take some science courses online and shoot for the clinicals in house. If you've worked ten years in security, you may be eligible for work-life experience and can knock out at least four courses in criminal justice. You can also take CLEP courses (College Level Examination Program), where basic courses such as English, Math, Sociology, Psychology, Humanities and a host of others can be taken via an exam for a fee. Are you in the military? Then DANTES is the choice for you. DANTES is the Defense Activity for Non-Traditional Education Support. For military personnel and their families, one can take correspondence courses and obtain college credit to count towards your degree.

As a single mom, there are more choices to go back to school and finish than there was maybe ten to fifteen years ago. Next I will post information about financing your education.

Freebies for Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day!

I wanted to post a few Mother's Day freebies. Origins store is offering free mini-facials from May 11th until May 31st. Check their site for appointment scheduling and locations.

Do you need some uplifting and transformation in your life? I came across a free downloadable e-book entitled, The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life by Renee Peterson Trudeau. You can download it as a Mother's Day treat and the author is offering a free Personal Renewal Group. Check it out!

Buy yourself some flowers, take a hot bath, or read a book! I know I am... Reading that is!

Kids who Volunteer

Today I came across a young man's story here. 11 year-old Zach Bonner, from Tampa, FL started his own non-profit organization called the Little Red Wagon Foundation. His mission is to walk from Atlanta to DC and raise money for homeless kids across America. He has a passion for helping people, using his trademark red wagon to hold and distribute food items and bottled water when Hurricane Charley hit FL in 2004.

With technology driving people to stay in tune to their social networking sites, video games and fancy cell phones, we (I include myself here) could be steering away from volunteering. Volunteering is a good way to rebuild your resume and teach your children values. And although us single mothers have limited time to volunteer, there are ways to make time to do a good deed. Besides, our children need to see the importance of helping others. Check out sites such as www.dosomething.org and www.volunteermatch.org.

Kudos to Zach! I am rooting for you and will make a pledge to your mission. Hopefully I will see you in DC!